If you’re considering becoming a surrogate mother, you might wonder how the process of picking the intended parents works. After all, choosing to be a surrogate is a life-changing process and it’s important for both parties to be on the same page and ultimately have a great relationship. At Above and Beyond Surrogacy, we review profiles of intended parents and surrogates and then suggest a possible match. Don’t be worried that you’ll be overwhelmed with a pile of prospective parents to review — each party will only review one profile at a time. If both parties like the profiles, we will facilitate an introductory phone call.

Whether you just talk with the intended parents over the phone, or you choose to meet in person, there are some basic questions you might want to ask them. This is your chance to get to know the people that will be raising and caring for the child you helped to create. It’s also important that both parties discuss and are in agreement with the type of relationship you will have before and after birth. For instance, what will be expected with regard to visits and contact frequency? At Above and Beyond Surrogacy, we want to help you throughout the entire process and the first step is to make sure surrogates and intended parents are a good match. We hope the following blog can help you identify some questions that you might want to ask. Keep reading and then contact us if you have additional questions.

The Introduction

When you first meet someone that could potentially be raising a child that you helped to create, it can be a little unnerving. The best thing to do is to set aside your anxiousness and just start with some simple questions that will ease everyone into the conversation. Try questions like, “What are your interests and hobbies?” or “What is your family like?” Questions like this will help to break the ice without making them feel like they are being put on the spot with sensitive questions right from the start.

Getting to Know Them Better

Once you get past some of the informal questions, you may want to ask some that are more specific that will help you better determine compatibility with the intended parents. You may want to know what their religious beliefs are, how long they’ve been together as a couple, and if they have any other children. Remember, the process of finding the right match between a surrogate and intended parents is incredibly important and ultimately its a very personal choice. If at any time during the meeting you don’t feel right about the answers you are being given, it may be an indication that it’s not a good match.

Surrogacy-Specific Questions and Preferences

Some of the most important questions you’ll want answered are those related to the intended parents’ expectations. If they demand to be present for the birth, but you are not at all comfortable with it, that is going to be a very real issue that you should work out before choosing to go forward. The following is a list of some other significant questions that, depending on the responses, could raise a red flag or indicate the need to keep looking.

  • Is your family supportive of your surrogacy plans?
  • What are you looking for in a surrogate?
  • What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with me before during and after the baby’s birth?
  • How much contact do you wish to have during the pregnancy?
  • What are your expectations of the birthing process?
  • What do you plan to tell your child regarding their surrogacy history?

Getting to know prospective parents can be an enjoyable and rewarding process that helps to put your mind at ease. Remember, it is of utmost importance that both parties feel safe and comfortable with each other. The rigorous pre-screening process performed by our surrogacy agency should help narrow the scope of finding matches, but ultimately, it is up to intended parents and surrogates to make the final decision.

If you have additional questions or would like to take the next step toward being a surrogate, Above and Beyond surrogacy is here for you. No questions are off-limits. Give us a call or send us a message — we’d love to hear from you!